Farewell

So my farewell was today and I figured I would just post my talk for those of you who would like to read it that weren't able to be there.

 

May 19, 2013

 

                    Farewell Talk: Recognizing , Understanding, and Acting on Personal Revelation

- To preface, I Haven't been asked to give a talk in 5 years. That is a long time. I'm not really sure how I did it, maybe it's because I talk so much in everyday life that my various bishoprics assumed I had spoken several times in church each year, but I'm not really sure. But no, actually, I kind of missed. Over the course of those 5 years I experienced a wide range of emotions:

                1. Elation- great happiness or exhilaration. around the first year and a half or so. I felt awesome. I was bragging about it to my friends. Rubbing it in when they called to speak. I just felt really cool.

                2. Paranoia- around 2 1/2 years the paranoia set in. I was nervous at all times. It was coming. I was sure of it. Every time I would see a member of the bishopric approaching I would use evasive maneuvers, zig zagging down the hall, duck into the bathroom for an hour. They couldn't get me in there... I hoped. There were no guarantees.

                3. Complacency- By 3 1/2 years I didn't even care anymore. I knew that if they hadn't asked me by this point it wasn't going to happen, ever, and I was safe. I was cocky.

                4. Offended- Then things got weird around 4 1/2 years. I was offended. What?  Am I not good enough to speak in church. I mean, 4 1/2 years ago did say something that was so offensive that my bishop sent out a decree throughout all the land to never let Chelsea speak again? Like really though, all of my friends have been asked twice in the past year and I haven't been asked once. What's going on?

                5. Determined- It got to the point where every Sunday I was standing near a member of the Bishopric talking, loudly mind you, about how I'd gotten away for years without speaking, hoping they would do something about it, and yet nothing. Finally I was so fed up, I started my mission papers and went through that whole process, because word on the street is, they have to let you speak at your farewell. So here we are. Long story short I decided to go on a mission because I really really really wanted to speak in church.

 

No, I'm kidding... sort of. I'm actually really excited to speak today, words I really thought I'd never say. The topic I was given is something that has become really precious to me throughout the process of deciding to go on a mission. In fact, if Rachael Cottam were here, you could ask her, I'm always talking her ear off about the new things that I've learned when it comes to this. I've been asked to speak on  "The challenge and blessing it is to recognize, understand, and react, or act I should say, on personal revelation, especially when it comes to major life decisions". And I think, it is safe to say that making the decision to serve a mission qualifies as a major life decision.

                Last year when they made the announcement about girls being able to serve missions at 19, I was ecstatic. It was an answer to my prayers. For the first time ever, I had actually prepared, and  went to conference with a dilemma and a question. The dilemma being, I really want to serve a mission, but I'm nervous about having to wait until I'm 21 to do so, for various reasons. And the question being, am I even supposed to serve a mission? A little background on me, I have been claiming since around sixth grade that I planned on serving a full-time mission when I got older. I think I was asked once by like my mom or my grandma if I would consider it and I just said yes, and ever since then that's just been the plan. I didn't really know why I was going to serve a mission, all I knew was that I had said I was going to do it, so I had to do it. So conference happened and President Monson made the announcement, and I was so stinking happy. I had a question, I posed that question to Heavenly Father and I got my answer. I felt like I had not only gotten an answer, but I had received the perfect answer. Not only was I supposed to serve a mission, but I no longer had to worry about going at 21 because now I could go at 19, which I was at the time. So, armed with that information and with renewed gusto about serving a mission, I immediately called my bishop and I officially started the process the following Sunday. From there it should have been easy right? I mean I knew I was going, I had gotten my answer. It should have been smooth sailing. Wrong! That was the second lesson I learned during this process. The first was, if you actually do the things that we've been told to do our entire lives, for example, go to conference with a question you've been praying about, you will get answers. The second being, just because you have received a, seemingly straight forward, answer, does not mean everything gets easy. In fact, for a while there, it felt like everything got harder. Like really hard. Doing my papers felt like I was trying to run through 3 ft of mud. I felt like I knew where I wanted to be and where I needed to be but things kept popping up that were getting in the way and slowing me down. When it came to the medical part of the checklist, there were some complications that slowed the process way down because they wanted to make sure I was healthy and that was great but really annoying at the same time because I felt like I had been healthy my entire life and now when it actually counted, there were problems. After what felt like forever, they figured it out and I was finally cleared to go. Also during that time, boys didn't stop wanting to go out with me. It seemed like there were boys out the wazoo who wanted to date me all of a sudden, and I was super frustrated because I was like, where were you when this wasn't an issue... like last year? And on top of that, this was a super exciting and new development in our church, so people were super excited and curious about how the process was going for me, and I appreciated the enthusiasm, but at the same time it was very overwhelming. Have you finished your papers yet? No? why not? What are you doing to prepare? wouldn't you rather stay and date me? How are you doing? What are you doing? and on and on and on, and it got to the point where I lost it. It was taking so long for me to finish and enter my papers and I was so overwhelmed that, I had forgotten how I had felt when I had received my answer, and I was no longer sure, that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I started questioning my decision. Was I really supposed to be going on a mission? Had I made the right choice?  I didn't know. And because I didn't know, I stopped working on my papers and I decided that I needed to find out for sure before I took anymore steps. And so I did. I stopped working on going on mission for about 3 months and instead I began searching for answers.

Recognizing Revelation

 I'm not sure how it is with everyone else but, recognizing revelation can be, if you don't practice and are not diligent, quite the chore. When I would pray about things and for answers to life's many questions, I'd always face the internal struggle of, "Was that an answer from Heavenly Father or was that just my own thoughts?" Does Heavenly Father really want me to do this, or am I just projecting because it's what I want to do?" So, true to form, I was having these same struggles while praying about whether I should or should not go on a mission. At the time, along with that, there was this guy that I thought was just the bee's knees. I thought he was perfect, I thought he was perfect for me, and I was worried that what if I'm not supposed to go on a mission because there's this perfect guy and what if I go and he's gone and I miss out? What if I'm supposed to stay and be with him instead? I had these 2 seemingly good options. I'm not good when it comes to options, in fact I am very fickle and terrified of making choices and I freeze up. So for a while it felt like my prayers were exactly the same every time. Something along the lines of "Heavenly Father do you want me to go on a mission. Heavenly Do you want me to stay and see what happens with this guy? Heavenly Father what do you want me to do?" Around that time, I remembered something that I had learned a while ago, but had apparently forgotten. When you are praying for answers and you are trying to make a decision, in most cases Heavenly Father is not going to tell you what to do. You have to study the question out in your mind, use the scriptures, pray, and then most importantly, you must make a decision.

“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.”

 Yes, you actually have to be the one to make the decision, and then you take what you have decided to Heavenly Father and ask him if your decision is right. He will either sustain your decision and you will feel the comfort of the Holy Ghost, or he won't. That is usually accompanied by doubt, confusion, restlessness and so on. When we've made a decision and confusion ensues, that is a good indicator that it is probably the wrong decision. Confusion is not of the Lord, his is a house of order. But like I said earlier, just because Heavenly Father sustains your decision, that does not necessarily mean it will be smooth sailing, it just means through the turmoil that may surround you, you will have peace and comfort and the support of your Father in Heaven.

So that's what I did, I made a decision, and I decided that I was going to see what happened with this boy and leave my papers on hold for a bit. I prayed and I asked Heavenly Father what he thought and I didn't feel bad, so I assumed that that meant he was ok with my decision. Strangely enough while I was focusing my attention on this guy, in my prayers I was still pleading with the Lord to give me clarity about the situation. "Heavenly Father I really like this guy, but am I supposed to go on a mission? I want to do what you want me to do and I want to submit my will to yours, but I need to know what that is. As soon as you tell me, I'll do it." That was the first indicator that maybe I hadn't made the right decision. I was still feeling confused. I carried on this way for a while until one night I was reading my scriptures, when I stumbled across one of those verses about asking and receiving. You know the one. They appear periodically throughout the scriptures.

The one I read was in Mormon 9:21, “Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.”

That night, when I read that scripture, I was so frustrated at that point with my situation that I stopped and I literally said out loud, "No, I don't think that's true". Everything we ask for we do not receive. I could sit here right now, and with perfect faith and not a doubting bone in my body, pray to receive a million dollars right now and I wouldn't get it. How do you explain that? So I called up my brother ready to dump my question on him, and he didn't answer. This only made me more upset. So while I waited for him to hopefully call me back, I decided to go to the footnotes and do a scripture chain. It lead me to this next scripture in 3Nephi 18:20

“And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.”

The key word here being right.

D&C 8:10 “Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith. Trifle not with these things; do not ask for that which you ought not.”

And I knew that, I was just being a brat, and I was in a mood. But, even with this new development, I still wasn't satisfied. There are plenty of good things I could ask for that I won't receive. I could ask Heavenly Father right now having full faith and no doubt to give me a wonderful spiritual experience every time I read the scriptures and that does not necessarily mean I'll get it. That's a good thing right? Wanting to have spiritual experiences. Why wouldn't I receive that? Anyways, by this point it was late and I was tired so I said a quick prayer, with many of the same questions and words that I had been using for the past month and a half and I went to bed unsatisfied. About an hour later I was woken up by my phone ringing. It was my brother Garrison. He had just gotten home and this was the first chance he had to call me. It was around 11:30. I was hesitant, because it was so late, to ask him my question, but he insisted so I told him my problem that I was experiencing with this concept. He got out his scriptures and told me to do the same and he took me back to 3Nephi 18:20 and told me to read it again. When he said that I said,

"Garrison I already read this, I already know what it says."

"I know " he said "just read it again". So, to appease him, I did. "Does that make sense?" he asked.

"No, it doesn't. Didn't you hear the example I gave about the spiritual experiences? That is a good thing. Why wouldn't I receive that?"

"Chelsea" he said, "There is a difference between something that is good and something that is right. You're right, there are plenty of good things in life that you can pray for and that you won't get. The key is to pray for the right things. Heavenly Father has already set aside blessings that, based on your decisions and choices, he is already willing to give you. You just have to ask for them."

"Yes Garrison that is all fine and well but, in that case, how do you know what to ask for. That concept seems like it is so hit or miss. What, every time I pray am I just supposed to cross my fingers and hope I land on a blessing today? And if not better luck next time?"

Without getting frustrated with me, and full of patience he told me to turn to 3Nephi 19:24

"And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus prayed unto the Father, he came unto his disciples, and behold, they did still continue, without ceasing, to pray unto him; and they did not multiply their words, for it was given them what they should pray, and they were filled with desire."

again he asked me if what I had just read made sense. I said sort of.

"Chelsea", he said "the point here is that it was given unto them the things which they should pray for. They asked Heavenly Father what they should pray for. When it comes to blessings, it isn't some kind of game of chance where, if you're lucky you'll land on blessing and if not, oh well. We can actually ask our Father in Heaven to reveal to us the things that he wants us to pray for. What does that mean? That means that after we ask, we actually have to sit quietly and listen. If you look back to that scripture, it also says "and they did not multiply many words". The disciples understood that a crucial part of prayer is listening. Prayer isn't the time for us to go to Heavenly Father and lay out our laundry list of wants and needs, and then once we've finished say a quick thanks and go to sleep. An important part of having a conversation with someone is taking the time to listen for those answers that we've asked for. It could take minutes or it could take hours. Yes, sometimes it may take a while, but if you're serious about getting answers, then you'll do your part and put it the necessary effort to receive them. "

By this point I had calmed down and was really listening to what he was saying and it made sense. Sometimes submitting your will to your Father in Heaven's will means just that. We actually have to stop speaking, once we've asked our question, and give him a chance to let us know what his will is. So after that Garrison asked if I understood and I told him I had. I said thank you, he said goodnight, and we hung up. I was home alone, and after thinking for a bit about what he had said, I decided that now was as good a time as any to give it a try. I knelt down, I opened my prayer, I gave thanks for the many blessings that I had received in my life, and then I simply said, "Heavenly Father, I want to do your will. What is it that you want me to pray for?" And that was it. That was all I said, and then I sat there quietly hoping that I would receive, because hope is a vital step towards belief, and I waited for revelation to come. Fortunately I did not have to wait for hours. A few minutes passed and then I began to pray again. But it was different this time. I didn't pray for any of the usual things. In fact, I didn't pray for anything I thought I would pray about. I prayed for people and things that I wouldn't have even thought I would need to pray for and never mentioned the boy I was worried about or my mission once. It was a wonderful experience and when I was through I expressed my gratitude again, closed my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ and went to bed. While I was laying there waiting to fall asleep, I felt this wonderful peace and comfort come over me and it just hit me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I needed to serve a mission. Just like that. I wasn't even asking anymore, instead I humbled myself and submitted my will to my Father in Heaven's and I received the answer that I was desperately seeking for so long.

Understanding Revelation

Someone in my student ward up at BYU recently gave a talk and she said something about revelation that really struck me. She said, while she was  going through the process of deciding whether or not serving a mission was the right decision for her, she was feeling confused and like she wasn't sure if she was getting an answer. Her bishop advised her that sometimes we need to pray and ask Heavenly Father to show us how we personally receive revelation, because it's different for everyone. When she said that it just made so much sense to me. We can ask our Father in Heaven for those types of things. He wants to show us because he wants to communicate more effectively with us. Just imagine how frustrating it would be if you were trying to tell someone something and they just couldn't understand what is it is you're trying to say. Wouldn't it be so much easier if there was a way that you could provide greater clarity? When it comes to revelation there is, and one of those ways is asking our Heavenly Father to show us how we personally receive revelation. In the scriptures it lists a number of ways that a person can receive revelation which include:

1. Burning in the bosom

2. Thoughts or impressions put in our mind

3. Things called to our remembrance

4. Comfort or peace

5. Confusion or anxiety if the decision is wrong

These are just a few of the ways people can receive revelation, but there are many different ways, that are specific to each individual, that revelation can be received. Understanding how our Heavenly Father communicates with us is a vital part of becoming more effective instruments in his hands, and carrying out his sacred work here on Earth.

Acting on Revelation

Sometimes when we go to Heavenly Father with our questions and our problems we become frustrated and discouraged because it seems like our pleas for guidance and help go unanswered. Even when it seems like we've received an answer. We'll say thank you and express our sincere gratitude for answering our prayers, and then sit there waiting and wondering why things aren't changing or getting better. We got our answer right? Why isn't anything happening?

“Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.” (D&C 9:7.)

We asked. We may have even studied it out in our minds. We might have even been lucky enough to get an answer. Now it is time to act. "Faith without works is dead".

Each and every one of us is privileged to have been given the gift of being able to receive personal revelation, but this is not a gift that does not require work. As we receive revelation, we are required to act on the answers and promptings of the spirit that come to us. If we do not act on those promptings and revelation that Lord has gifted us with, the result will be a kind of spiritual numbness. We will receive fewer and fewer promptings and eventually revelation will stop all together. The principle of "use it or lose it" applies here. However, as we exercise faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, we are able to move forward with glad hearts and faith and hope in our savior's plan for us. While we may not be able to foresee the immediate consequences of acting on revelation, we can know with surety that no matter what, if we are keeping the commandments and choosing the right, and following our savior's example to the best of our abilities, we will find joy in this life. That is the goal right? The reason we do anything we do is ultimately to achieve joy.

To finish my story, after the night that I received personal revelation that I was supposed to serve a mission, I let things continue with that guy, and it ended up not working out. I thought I was going to be sad, but instead I felt an even greater sense of peace and comfort. While it would have been easy to become despondent and discouraged because it seemed like I had wasted my time on something that ended up  leading nowhere, instead it turned out to be another gift from my Father in Heaven. Sometimes Heavenly Father allows us to go down certain paths that are dead ends, just so that we can know for sure that the other path is exactly where we need to be. Being with that boy might have been a good path, but for me, going on a mission is the right path. Brothers and sisters, I know without a shadow of a doubt that a mission is exactly where I need to be. I have made the decision, I have received revelation that the lord sustains my decision, and by actually going on a mission, I am acting on that revelation.